12 Ways to Lose Your Mind This Christmas—#12

It’s December 26th. You did it! You made it through the Christmas season! 

Or did you? Technically, Christmas is over. Yet, there’s still a chance for you to go crazy.  I promised you 12 Ways to Lose Your Mind This Christmas and I’ve only given you 11 so far. Even if you held it together for the entire Christmas season…even if you shopped and wrapped and baked and falalalah’d with the best of them…#12 just might get you.

#12. The Aftermath.

Yes, that’s right. Even when Christmas is over…especially when Christmas is over…you just may end up losing your mind.

December 26th and you’re left with the remains of your busy holiday season—the empty boxes, the torn wrapping paper shrewd all over the house, the sticky floors, the broken candy canes, the dishes, the leftover fruitcake (Someone took a bite? Now you can’t regift it!) . You’re exhausted from the previous 24 days activities, but wait…it’s not over yet!

Not only does your house look like a gift wrap store threw up, you’ve now got to fold up all the boxes and get them into the trash inconspicuously, so the neighborhood robbers don’t realize you just purchased a scooter, 2 iPads and 4 tvs. Half the toys you bought require batteries…which you forgot to buy. Kids are now in tears because they can’t play with that one battery operated toy they must play with today. Not to mention your husband bought you the wrong size jeans, Junior broke a toy already, and your Aunt Edna seems to think you would look fabulous in a hot pink, sequined flamingo sweatshirt. Your daughter’s Lego house is missing pieces, she got two of the same game, and your hubby’s camera needs a memory card. The dog chewed your new phone charger and ate the stuffing from the new comforter. There are gift cards burning a hole in your kids’ pockets, gifts to exchange, and toyboxes and shelves (to store all that new crap) to purchase. You’re gonna have to sit in traffic again today to go back to the store with the millions of other suckers.

There’s a dead tree to drag out to the curb (remember how fun that was getting into the house???), ornaments to re-box (would it be bad to just line a Rubbermaid with tissue paper and stick them all in there?), and outdoor lights to take down (and it’s colder now than it was a month ago). Did I mention that the kids are off for the next week and a half and you have to find some way to entertain them? That means trips to the movies and skanky bounce places. Plus you made dentist appointments and haircut appointments for them back in October, but now you don’t even want to get dressed to leave the house—three weeks of terrible eating has begun to sap you of all of your energy and you feel like crap. You try to reason with the kids to get them to throw out toys they don’t play with anymore and there are more tears and time outs. The bills have suddenly arrived, demanding to be paid as well. You can’t believe you spent that much (maybe your credit card was stolen???). Didn’t you swear you were scaling back this year???

Speaking of scale, don’t even get me started on the extra 10 pounds you’ve put on during the season of eating (and drinking). The reality of your overindulgence is evident as you struggle to put on your jeans today (hmmmm…maybe hubby didn’t buy the wrong size after all), sucking in your gut and lying on the bed to get it done. The scale is screaming at you to put down that sugar cookie and jump on the treadmill, but you’re too damn tired to even fathom it. Plus, you still have so much left to do! All you want to do is crawl under your new fluffy blanket and sleep till January.  And you can…after you go to the toy store and wash the dishes and go grocery shopping (you haven’t bought food for “Real” meals in 2 weeks) and throw all the garbage out and eat all the leftovers and shove all the toys in your kid’s closet (because the shelves you bought were crap and fell apart already and they refused to throw things out and you’ll have to wait till they’re asleep to do it). Pour yourself a glass of whatever wine is left and curl up on the sofa to watch the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Time Square. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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