I love my hubby, I really do. He does a lot for me and the kids—he pays the bills, he cooks (sometimes when the mood strikes), he goes to the grocery store (after I make the very detailed list for him to follow). He’s supportive and always there for me and the kids. But there’s one thing about him that drives me bonkers. You’re probably rolling your eyes at home now, aren’t you? You’re probably thinking I’m a selfish beotch if I could think there was anything wrong with a man who does all those things…why, women on Tinder would throw themselves at him…YOU would probably throw yourself at a guy like that, wouldn’t you? Of course you would…and I would too. Except for the fact that he is not really handy at all, resulting in an every growing…to do list. Ugh—this list (which is not an actual physical list, just a running count of things I need him to do) drives me NUTS!!!! Many of the items on this list have been on it for well over a year—there’s actually a few items that have been on the list for over A DECADE. I’m not talking about any sort of cleaning projects or anything of that nature. These are all “manly” chores.
Now before you jump down my throat and say, “Well Heather, you’re an independent woman. Certainly you could do the things on the list. You don’t need a handy dandy hubby for things like that.” Well, yes and no. There are things on this list that I can’t do because I am too short or too “weak”. There are other things on this list that I could very well do, but I don’t have the time to do them. I’m busy with the general making sure the house doesn’t fall apart from a carpenter ant invasion because no one else cleans up after themselves. And working. And blogging about things that irritate me…like the honey do list that never gets any shorter.
- Connect the wrinkle release hose to the dryer. TWO and a HALF years for this one. We bought this dryer with the awesome feature of a steamer cycle. You put the clothes in the dryer and steam them! Hubby said it was easy. All it involved was a quick change of hoses. I couldn’t wait to kick the ironing board to the curb! Yeah…I’m still waiting. In fact, I’m ironing right now.
- Change the lightbulbs—this never seems to go off the list because once he changes one lightbulb, another lightbulb goes out. This holds true whether he changes the lightbulb immediately or he waits seventeen weeks. I currently have lightbulbs out in the lounge/den, basement, and the bathroom. Changing the lightbulbs myself involves ladders or climbing into precarious positions where I may fall and break a bone. *Sigh*.
- More light woes. One of the motion sensor lights on the front of the house went out five years ago. Yes, I’m not making that up. We thought the bulb went out. He finally climbed up there on a ladder and changed the bulb two months ago, only to discover that it’s actually something wrong with the lamp itself, not the bulb. He put the cover back on, climbed down the ladder and is currently ignoring it.
- Put the molding on the newly renovated lounge/den area. We renovated it ten years ago. The whole thing was a joint project—I sheetrocked, I painted, he barked out orders and carried the heavy stuff. I cannot use the saw. I am pretty handy with the hammer and a screwdriver but hells no…I’m not using a saw. I have nightmares about losing an appendage. Hubby has no qualms about using power tools—in fact, he has brought a plethora of mostly useless power tools that he has either used once or bought “just in case”. He tells me the molding is a “summer project” whenever I ask in the winter, and a “winter project” whenever I ask in the summer.
- Order elk steaks. I know, this sounds strange. This has to do with our “eat around the USA” challenge. Yeah, I could definitely do this one, but the fact remains he said he would do it, he’s the one who’s particular about his meat, and he’s the one who is attached to this phone or the computer 22 out of 24 hours a day. Once again, I’m pretty busy cleaning up after his children.
- Get my oil changed in my car. Another thing I could do, but he has time to go in the day when it’s not crowded and he won’t have to wait for hours (those 10 minute oil places are a LIE). About 3,000 miles ago I told him I needed an oil change. The light comes on EVERY TIME the car is turned on. He drives my car about 50% of the time—he’s SEEN the light. Still, no oil.
- Get rid of some of the tee shirts in his closet. This is a constant battle. He has no less than 147 tee shirts. No, that is not an exaggeration. In fact, it’s probably a gross under-estimation. This I can definitely do myself, but when I TRIED to clean the closet out last fall, I thought his head was going to explode.
- Clean out the mail basket by the computer. Like I said, he’s sitting there half the time…would it kill the guy to go through a piece of paper at a time??? I go through the mail first and only put the mail in there that I don’t know what to do with (like bills), so it’s not like there’s any junk mail in there or anything.
- Put the extra flooring pieces for the office somewhere…the attic, the garage, the garbage dump…ANYWHERE. It’s been sitting on the floor of the office for two years. It’s too heavy for me to lift, and it’s in my way constantly. So are the boxes of boxes in the lounge/den. So are the boxes of baseball cards he refuses to part with. For some reason, clutter doesn’t make him as crazy as it makes me.
At a certain point in time, I will have to admit defeat and either do stuff myself or hire someone to do it for me (he hates when I say that…sometimes it results in something getting crossed off the list in a fit of fear I may follow up on my threat). But until then, Honey, here’s your “Do List”.
*Update—since I wrote this, my oil has been changed! We’ve also added 5 more things to the list, though.