A few years ago I was stuck home with the kids during a snow day and I wrote a blog entitled Why I Hate Snow Days. It’s been one of my most popular blogs to date, probably because most parents can relate to it on some level. At least, parents that truly understand what a snow day entails. There are some people that actually don’t understand our pain. Yeah, I’m talking to you, whiny babies in Florida. Oh wow! It’s 39 degrees? We won’t see 39 degrees here for the next month! Shut up and go work on your tan! Have another margarita while you look for your “winter” flip flops.
Today we had a blizzard sort of thing that they called a Bomb Cyclone. I still don’t understand what the hell that is since not one weather person actually explained it. They just showed us charts and made circular motions with their hands. (In my next life I’ll be a weather person—not only can you be wrong 100% of the time and still keep your job, nobody understands what you’re saying so you can just improvise as you go.)
Basically, a Bomb Cyclone sounds like a cold blizzard. Whatever. It snowed. There was a lot of wind. It was freezing. They cancelled school.
Once again, stuck home with the kiddies. However, this time was a lot different than the snow days from six and seven years ago. Being snowed in with teens is a lot different than being snowed in with preschool or elementary school aged children. I’ve outlined some of the key differences for all of you who are now suffering with the younger children, to give you hope for the future:
2012: I am woken up at the butt crack of dawn by children begging to go play in the snow.
2018: No one wakes me up at the butt crack of dawn begging to go outside and play in the snow. In fact, they’re still asleep at noon.
2012: I have to go shovel because the kids are too little to shovel.
2018: I have to shovel because the kids are still sleeping at noon and somehow the damn mailman is fighting the gale force winds to deliver our mail and I don’t want him slipping on our front porch and suing us so he doesn’t have to deliver the mail in a Bomb Cyclone ever again.
2012: The kids don’t have snow pants that fit them. The kids don’t have boots that fit them. The kids don’t have gloves that fit them. The kids don’t have hats that the dog hasn’t chewed holes in.
2018: All of the above, except they don’t care because it’s not cool to wear coats and hats and stuff to keep you warm…duh, Mom.
2012: The children go outside. The children want me to go outside. I pretend to be very busy organizing the spice rack. The children come inside after three minutes. The children go outside again. The children come inside after two minutes because their gloves are wet from the last time they went outside. The children go outside. The children come inside after one minute because child #1 filled the back of child #2’s snow suit with snow. Child #2 retaliated by shoving an icicle down child #1’s pants. Both children are crying and frostbitten.
2018: The dog goes outside. The dog wants me to go outside and stands at the door and barks. I give him the finger. The dog sniffs the snow and pees on the deck. The dog barks to come inside. The dog comes inside and won’t let me dry him off. He shakes his body all over the clean floor. The dog wants to go outside. I ignore him. He barks louder. I still ignore him. He does his pee pee dance by the door and cries. I let him outside. He eats a frozen snow turd and barks to come inside. He comes inside and tries to lick my face. The dog barks to go back outside. The dog barks to come inside. The dog comes in and runs away from me, tracking snow, salt and something brown into the house. I find him in the living room rolling his body all over the clean sheets that I’m folding.
2012: I make copious amounts of hot chocolate for the children.
2018: The children make copious amounts of coffee for themselves and discuss staying up all night.
2012: We bake cookies and make a huge mess in the kitchen. We make snacks and make a huge mess in the kitchen. We make dinner and make a huge mess in the kitchen.
2018: The children make themselves popcorn, pasta, pizza, grilled cheese, tacos, and more pasta and make a huge mess in the kitchen for me to clean up.
2012: I can’t watch anything good on TV because stupid children’s programming is playing all day.
2018: I can’t watch anything good because everyone is streaming Netflix and I can’t get on.
2012: I hear the words “I’m bored” two hundred and fifty-seven times.
2018: I hear the words “can you drive me to my friend’s house?” two hundred and fifty-seven times.
2012: I cringe when I hear the phone ring, announcing that school is cancelled tomorrow as well.
2018: I cringe when I get the text announcing that school is cancelled tomorrow as well.
I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same…I still hate snow days.