Ok, so I’m sitting here dozing on the couch while Evan is playing with Colt’s Legos (yeah, yeah, yeah…I know, but he’s been pretty good about NOT putting them in his mouth lately. If it gets me ten minutes of Evan Downtime during the day, I’ll take it). Suddenly, I am ripped awake by the peppy sound of a show coming to life on the TV and Evan screeching with delight.
“Mama! Tink!” Evan is excitedly clapping his hands and pointing to the TV. It must be some show about trucks that talk or ninja pandas that fly planes. I can’t bear to look to see what Evan’s new TV obsession will be.
I blink several times to adjust my bleary eyes to view the pixelated nightmare that rules Evan’s life and my jaw nearly drops. He’s on his feet, swaying back and forth to the music of…Tinkerbell?
Oh, fabulous, Roger is never gonna get over me letting our son watch Tinkerbell. And then I think…Good. Screw Roger. I like Tinkerbell. At least Evan and I can watch something together for a change.
As I sit with my littlest baby curled up on my lap and watch our little pixie friend screw up one thing after another (kind of like me), I feel my head bobbing and my eyelids growing heavy.
“Tink! Tink! Wake up!” I rub my sleepy eyes and look into the steel blue eyes of none other than… Jason? Why is my sexy fantasy man neighbor here in my house? I glance around and see that I am in…a TREEHOUSE??? And lying in a…what the hell is this? A walnut? And why the heck is Jason dressed like that with a pointy little hat and green stockings? He looks like an elf! (He still looks totally hot dressed like an elf, though).
“Jason?” I rub my eyes to assure myself that I am not seeing things.
Jason cocks an eyebrow at me. “Jason? Who’s Jason? I’m Peter!” He thrusts his fist upwards and twirls around in a circle…in the air?
I sit up and immediately realize…holy crap! I’m Tinkerbell! I, Amy Maxwell, have morphed into one of the greatest Disney Princess (okay, fairy princess) of all times! My daughter Allie’s favorite princess (way back when she wasn’t busy hating her mother and painting her fingernails black).
I guess it makes sense. We’re both really short and have big hips and no boobs. And we both screw everything up. In fact, I haven’t gotten one thing right since I’ve been born. At least Tinkerbell found out she was a good Tinkering fairy once she tried everything else. When am I gonna figure out what I’m good at? It’s certainly not motherhood.
“We have an adventure ahead, Tink! Pirates and bad guys that need to be taken down! Follow me, and I’ll lead the way!”
“Where are we off to, Peter?” I ask excitedly, anxious to follow Jason, er, Peter to the ends of the earth.
Suddenly, Cammi from next door comes waltzing into my tree house in a blue nightgown, exposing her heaving bosom over the top of the lacy camisole.
“Wendy!” Jason/Peter grasps her hands and twirls her around. “Thank goodness! We couldn’t possibly have an adventure without you, now could we Tink?” He glances at me, his eyes urging me to agree with his statement.
No, of course we can’t have an adventure without Cammi/Wendy. I’m starting to realize just how much I’m like Tinkerbell. Remember when I gave Roger a bloody nose because he was looking at that bimbo leaning over the seat in the movies in front of us? I’m suddenly having the urge to do that to my slutty neighborhood nemesis over here.
“Not so fast!” A booming voice fills my treehouse as a rotund figure busts through the door (really, this place is way too small to have all these people squeezing into it…)
Speaking of “squeezing in”, it’s apparently Roger who has joined the fun. Dressed like a pirate. He’d actually look quite dashing if it wasn’t for the mustache…not a fan of facial hair. Let me guess, he’s Captain Hook?
“Egads!” Jason/Peter is wielding a sword at my husband, aka. Captain Hook. “Tink! Get up and help me fight the evil Captain Hook! He wants to steal Wendy!”
I glance at “Wendy” and then I glance at the “Evil” pirate. Hmmmm. Just like the real Tinkerbell, I’m weighing my options here. I’m jealous of “Wendy” and I give her up to Captain Hook to destroy, well, that leaves me alone with Peter Pan now, doesn’t it?
Stop that Amy! You can’t be alone with Jason! And what about Roger? You’re throwing Cammi into his lap…doesn’t that make you a little bit jealous???
I don’t have time to be jealous in my daydream as I am ripped awake by the sound of Evan screaming in terror. My eyes pop open to find that he has scaled the bookcase and is swinging precariously from the top, wielding his own plastic sword.
“Jake, Mama!” He is pointing at the TV again. I can see “Jake and the Never Land Pirates” is now blaring. I sigh with my never ending exasperation as I pull the step stool over to the bookcase and detach my toddler from his fortress wishing I could sprinkle myself with pixie dust and fly away. So much for life as a princess. I’m just a lowly tinkering fairy after all.
If YOU were a fairy in Neverland, what would YOUR special power be? Enter your answer in the comment section with your email address. (We need the email address to contact the winner or the prize will not be valid).
The Grand Prize for this hop is the Congratulations Magic Morsels 48 Gift Box from Fairytale Brownies http://www.brownies.com/, which includes a bite-size assortment (Caramel, Chocolate Chip, Original, Raspberry Swirl, Walnut, Cream Cheese) of 48 delicious gourmet brownies. Mmmmm…doesn’t that look delish??? This giveaway is open to US residents ONLY and a winner will be selected at random and announced on Monday, February 16th.
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