Confused? Let me explain…
We’re currently in lockdown or quarantine or whatever your area is calling it. The one thing that has kept me sane in all this is my daily walk. I go for a walk rain, shine, or in the case of Monday’s weather, monsoon. The other day I went for my walk and as I left the house, I noticed the garbage was full. Oh, I should mention that my 9 year old German Shepherd has not been alone for even a moment in the last month. Either he is with us when we go out for a ride or walk, or someone is home with him. Unlike other dogs that are thrilled to have their owners home—I heard of one dog who was so happy about this he sprained his tail from wagging it—-my dog almost seems a tad depressed. It seems that he can’t get into the garbage or be his usual destructive self with everyone home all the time. Bummer, right?
For him maybe. Not for the rest of us who will battle for the opportunity to be “not it” when we pull up to the house after a dinner out or a visit with friends. (Sigh remember those days???) This particular morning I thought “I should empty this garbage so that he doesn’t get into it.” But then I remembered both my kids were home and awake. He wouldn’t dare knock the garbage over when they’re within earshot, right?
WRONG.
He emptied it. My daughter caught him and yelled at him. She picked up the mess and yelled at him some more. Then she turned on my Roomba (our robot vacuum) to pick up all the crumbs and the eggshells and tiny bits. Backstory on the Roomba…his name is Bradley Cooper. He was gift from Hubby two Christmases ago. I realize some women might think getting a vacuum for Christmas might be grounds for divorce, but I assure you that I love the Roomba almost as much as I love the real Bradley Cooper. Actually, more. The real Bradley Cooper has never cleaned all the dog fur out from underneath my bed.
So anyway, my daughter released Bradley Cooper into the wild and went about her business. Apparently, so did the dog. There is no one alive that can tell me dogs are just mindless animals and don’t know what they’re doing. My dog knew EXACTLY what he was doing when my daughter left the room with the Roomba running. That’s when he decided he was mad at her for interrupting his trashcan buffet and at me (for going for a walk alone) and at poor innocent Bradley Cooper who bangs into him all the time when he’s sleeping. That’s when the dog decided to poop in the middle of the kitchen. WITH THE ROOMBA RUNNING.
Yes, it was as awful as it sounds. Yes, I did cry. Yes, I did even scream a little—like an actual “someone is stabbing me through the heart” scream. Overreaction? A bit. But as you can imagine, this was probably the most disgusting thing I have endured since my son had a diaper blowout in the middle of the park when he was 15 months old. (It was in his shoes AND his hair…how does that even happen???)
Not only did I have to get on my hands and knees to clean poop out of the grout, Bradley Cooper was beyond repair. I had to throw my favorite Christmas gift ever into the trash can. The robot voice cried out at me as I closed the lid—“please charge Roomba”. I had to stuff my fist in my mouth to prevent myself from sobbing. RIP Bradley Cooper, my love. Please respect my privacy at this trying time. Unless of course you’d like to start a Go Fund Me for a new Roomba or you’re actually from the Roomba company and you want to send me a new love of my life. I was thinking I’ll name him Leonardo DiCaprio….