Letters to My Sister’s Shrink

I am venturing out into the world away from the comedy and into a darker venture with my new novel…check it out on Amazon and feel free to share with friends!

http://www.amazon.com/Letters-To-My-Sisters-Shrink/dp/1495266079/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392948516&sr=8-1&keywords=heather+balog

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When Did Valentine’s Day Come to This?

I have a complaint about Valentine’s Day. (I know, me with a complaint, imagine that, right?). I don’t actually have a problem with the day, although it does put unrealistic expectations on those in relationships and added stress. I think it’s nice to have a day to tell your significant other you love them, but it should be more about the acts of love rather than materialistic gifts. Oh and I think it sucks for people that are single and makes them eat more chocolate and ice cream than necessary.
Anyway, that’s not my problem with Valentine’s Day. My issue is with what the day has become.
My daughter made Valentine cards this year and the only reason she did is because on Monday when we went out to get the $4 box of Austin and Ali cards, they were wiped off the shelf. Really? Five days before valentine’s Day? So anyway, she had to make the cards which were cute and thoughtful. She comes home today with an overflowing bag of candy, puzzles, pencils and games that make her cards look like toilet paper. Uh, what??? Apparently, there was also heart lollipops and heart shaped cookies and cupcakes. I’ve apparently got to play “keeping up with the Joneses” on Valentine’s Day, too? Now while I’m not one to turn down a party, isn’t this holiday about ADULTS? Or at least teenagers crushing on each other? Since when is a day of celebrating your love about little children??? Like, why is it all of a sudden about kids and getting gifts for your kids and kids in school giving out insanely elaborate cards and gifts and trinkets??? Are they in love with each other? Forgive me if I’m wrong but isn’t this about love? And being in love with someone? Or at least having affection for someone? If the kids are all giving each other cards and gifts and stuff, doesn’t that dismiss the true meaning? They all have to give each other cards if they bring any cards in so nobody feels bad. Doesn’t it make it less special and contribute to those kids having unrealistic expectations when they are actually in relationships with someone? (Specifically, the girls??) Now I don’t want kids to feel hurt because that sucks, but maybe if we don’t put emphasis on the day it wouldn’t be an issue.
Seriously I don’t mean to be a grinch about this, but isn’t it on par with expecting a gift bag for someone else’s birthday? I mean, Valentine’s Day is NOT about children, at least not my understanding of it. Everything I google about the origins of Valentine’s Day talks about celebrating ROMANTIC LOVE and LOVERS, not a holiday to tell the girl sitting next to you that you are BBFs or the kid in front of you that he’s okay and he doesn’t make you want to barf.
I’m not saying kids shouldn’t give out any cards or eat a piece of chocolate on Valentine’s Day. I’m saying maybe kids in the ten and under set shouldn’t be making a huge deal out of a day that really isn’t about them. They shouldn’t get caught up in it anyway. There’s plenty of time to be disillusioned about Valentine’s Day later on in life.

I’ve Reached the Breaking Point

Warning: the following is a RANT. Do not expect humor or deep profound musing here. There isn’t any sort of reasonable thought process to follow. I have officially cracked. Seven hundred and fifty hours of being trapped in the house will do that to a girl.
I’m a Jersey Shore kinda girl, not a snow slopes kinda girl. I prefer flip flops and tanks to Uggs and hoodies. I’d take sweating any day over my toes being cold. So it’s understandable when I say, tonight and Saturday’s forecast is making me shudder.
Ok, ok, it’s only supposed to be a little snow. Maybe 6 inches. But it doesn’t matter. It could be 6 centimeters for all I care. I’ve reached the breaking point. I. Am. Done.
I have been pretty good about not complaining this winter. Those who know me will attest to the fact I’ve been pretty laid back about the cold, not even flinching when it is 9 degrees in the morning and a high of 32 feels like a freakin heat wave to me. But I have reached my breaking point with Mother Nature and I cannot hold my tongue any longer. Enough you bitch!!! Stop! I’ve had enough; I am done with winter.
I am done with my house phone and cell phone ringing and that stupid recorded voice telling me school is closed. I am done with snow days, stuck in the house. I am done with organizing my closet, staring longingly at my sun dresses. I am done with not being able to run outside because nobody shovels their sidewalks. I am done with baking cookies and reading books and drinking f’ing tea. I am done with the dogs crapping on the deck. I am done with the four foot high mound of dirty snow on my front lawn. I am done with the icicles precariously hanging like threatening daggers from my gutters. I am done with warming up my car, scraping off my car and climbing on my car so my 4’11 1/2 a$$ can scrape off the roof of my car. I am done slipping on the ice. I am done shoveling. I am done layering up just to get the paper from the driveway. I am done with feeling sluggish and slovenly. I am done with my kids hanging around inside ALL THE TIME because it is too cold to go out or they are afraid they will get lost in snow drifts. I am done with not being able to get my garbage cans out of the yard.
I cried the other day because I opened the car door and snow fell in my lap. I have LOST it.
Yeah, I know people in Maine and friggin Colorado and all those cold places have it ten bizillion times worse. They choose to live there just like I choose to live here. But I didn’t sign up for blizzards and shoveling by living in New Jersey. I signed up for the sand and the waves and the margaritas in a beach chair. I want HOT. I promise, I will never complain it is too hot ever again. Even if the summer humidity causes my hair to frizz. So Mother Nature, get your $hit together and stop this nonsense. I want summer and I want it now! And also, another margarita. I feel much better now after ranting. And five margaritas.

A Little Baileys in the Coffee Makes the Medicine Go Down

I’m starting to hate my house. No, that’s wrong…I’m starting to hate being TRAPPED in my house. This is the fifth snow day and I’m slowly starting to unravel. At least I think it’s the fifth…I put Baileys in my coffee so I’m not quite sure. It’s no secret I’m not a winter fan, per Se, but this is winter hopped up on steroids. It reminds me of the winter of the year I graduated high school. It seemed like the phone rang every other morning telling us not to bother to come in. I remember being excited the first couple times at the prospect of a snow day, but then, excitement turned to tears as I just wanted to get it over with!
I’m starting to feel like that again. Every time that ominous school announcement number flashes on the phone, I start to shake. I actually want to go to work. I WANT to get it over with. I feel like we’ve been stuck at the half way point of the year for decades now. Our spring break is getting wiped out one day at a time and there’s another storm looming on the horizon. True, I have a ton of editing and rewriting to do as I hope to have a book coming out in two weeks, but I don’t even want to do it. I have piles of laundry I should do before we lose power from the ice storm, but ehhh, that doesn’t sound fun. I am sooooo unmotivated right now. As you can probably tell from this crappy blog that is merely a diversion so I don’t have to do what I’m supposed to be doing.
And the kids. Oh my God. They were cheering the first couple of days, overjoyed to play in the snow. But not now. They’ve had enough of playing in the snow, shoveling the snow and sleeping in. They’ve watched every movie and played video games for seven hundred and fifty two hours straight. They have the energy of caterpillars in cocoons. I guess that’s good. At least they’re not fighting. They’re just staring at me. Right this minute. Like I can magically make something entertaining happen for them. I told them to clean their rooms. They chuckled at me and went to forage in the cabinets for food.
We are all eating too much out of boredom. I made cookies the other day…correction, I made cookie dough the other day. We all ate it before it made it to the oven to bake. I guess I could make a healthy meal for us to eat. Nah. There’s frozen pizza in there.
I’m just going to make more coffee. Here’s a tip for all you moms (and dads) trapped home with bored kids. Put Baileys in the coffee. And dream about palm trees and Sandy beaches. They’ll be here soon enough. Right? Somebody please tell me there is an end to all this cold and snow in sight!!!!