Warning: the following is a RANT. Do not expect humor or deep profound musing here. There isn’t any sort of reasonable thought process to follow. I have officially cracked. Seven hundred and fifty hours of being trapped in the house will do that to a girl.
I’m a Jersey Shore kinda girl, not a snow slopes kinda girl. I prefer flip flops and tanks to Uggs and hoodies. I’d take sweating any day over my toes being cold. So it’s understandable when I say, tonight and Saturday’s forecast is making me shudder.
Ok, ok, it’s only supposed to be a little snow. Maybe 6 inches. But it doesn’t matter. It could be 6 centimeters for all I care. I’ve reached the breaking point. I. Am. Done.
I have been pretty good about not complaining this winter. Those who know me will attest to the fact I’ve been pretty laid back about the cold, not even flinching when it is 9 degrees in the morning and a high of 32 feels like a freakin heat wave to me. But I have reached my breaking point with Mother Nature and I cannot hold my tongue any longer. Enough you bitch!!! Stop! I’ve had enough; I am done with winter.
I am done with my house phone and cell phone ringing and that stupid recorded voice telling me school is closed. I am done with snow days, stuck in the house. I am done with organizing my closet, staring longingly at my sun dresses. I am done with not being able to run outside because nobody shovels their sidewalks. I am done with baking cookies and reading books and drinking f’ing tea.
I am done with the dogs crapping on the deck. I am done with the four foot high mound of dirty snow on my front lawn. I am done with the icicles precariously hanging like threatening daggers from my gutters. I am done with warming up my car, scraping off my car and climbing on my car so my 4’11 1/2 a$$ can scrape off the roof of my car.
I am done slipping on the ice. I am done shoveling. I am done layering up just to get the paper from the driveway. I am done with feeling sluggish and slovenly. I am done with my kids hanging around inside ALL THE TIME because it is too cold to go out or they are afraid they will get lost in snow drifts. I am done with not being able to get my garbage cans out of the yard.
I cried the other day because I opened the car door and snow fell in my lap. I have LOST it.
Yeah, I know people in Maine and friggin Colorado and all those cold places have it ten bizillion times worse. They choose to live there just like I choose to live here. But I didn’t sign up for blizzards and shoveling by living in New Jersey.
I signed up for the sand and the waves and the margaritas in a beach chair. I want HOT. I promise, I will never complain it is too hot ever again. Even if the summer humidity causes my hair to frizz.
So Mother Nature, get your $hit together and stop this nonsense. I want summer and I want it now! And also, another margarita. I feel much better now after ranting. And five margaritas.