The Better Me Project—Day 25
I honestly don’t know how my eyes are still in my head. I, um, roll my eyes…a lot. Eye rolling is a main method of communication with me. When they came out with the eye roll emoji on the iPhone, I nearly cried with joy. I roll my eyes more than a teenage girl forced to be seen at the mall with her mother. My eyes roll at my kids at school when they whine and cry over invisible papercuts (if I can’t see it, it doesn’t need a Band-Aid). I roll my eyes at the people who think their perfect snowflake children are the center of the universe (you should see what your kid does behind your back). My eyes roll at my husband when he’s making one of his famous pie charts or bar graphs (it gets him wayyyyy too excited). I roll my eyes at posts on Facebook (It’s Promposal season, folks). If I’m completely honest, I know I’m rolling my eyes when I’m judging others.
There, I admit it…I’m being all judge-y when I roll my eyes. It’s kind of like, “Oh my God are you for real?” Because by rolling my eyes, I’m telling people Look at that clown! I’m so much better than them. I would never do anything that stupid or corny or ridiculous.
And if I had to guess, I would say that being judgmental is not the path to being a better person who projects positivity and all that jazz out into the universe. I’m pretty certain that being judgmental is probably one of the most negative things you could do. (Besides kicking a puppy or something.)
Judgmental Attitudes Have A Bad Rap
I’ve heard so many negative sayings about being judgmental—“He who is without sin cast the first stone”, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, “While you were busy judging others, you left your closet open and a lot of skeletons fell out”. That last one really gets me—it reminds me that no one is perfect, and every one has something they can be judged for. I think people tend to judge other people critically when they’re afraid of being judged themselves.
And why am I judging others to begin with? Sure, the person that I’m rolling my eyes about might not being doing something that I would personally do myself, but who cares? Because honestly—if it’s not hurting anyone, why does it bother me? This person may or may not be screwing up their child, marriage, career, etc., but unless they ask me or it affects me…it’s none of my business, right? Why judge? I mean, I know I wouldn’t like it if I was the one being judged.
And I KNOW People Are Judging Me
Let’s face it, I bet some people are rolling their eyes at my food blogs and my Better Me Project. I’m willing to put money on the fact there are people out there convinced I’m the worst parent in the world because my daughter’s not getting a Sweet Sixteen party and I don’t hold my son at gun-point to write thank you notes for gifts. There are people rolling their eyes at this very blog post. If I think they’re weird, you better believe they think I’m weird. I can’t let the details of their life bother me, just like they can’t let the details of MY life bother them.
Okay, So Now What?
I have to stop being so…judge-y. But of course, it’s hard to turn off that part of your brain. I think it’s only natural to judge what people are doing, good or bad. Are you co-workers doing a good job? Are your friends good at parenting? Is your hubby being lazy? We are constantly looking at other people and comparing ourselves to them, seeing how they rate on our barometer of doing a good job or being a good person (or whatever it is we are judging them on). It must take a lot of time and energy out of our day to do this. I think we instinctively judge and it is a really difficult habit to break. And maybe an impossible one to break.
So Then What Can I Do?
First…the eye rolls. I made a vow on Day 19 to STOP. Yes. I would force my eyeballs to remain in my head the way God intended them to be—facing forward and not rolling around toward the heavens.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THIS HAS BEEN?!?!?!?
Seriously. I think I have given myself a migraine on several occasions over the last few weeks from trying to halt my eye muscles mid-roll. It’s just that soooooooooo much around me makes me want to sigh and bang my head against the wall. I’ve learned early on in life that rolling my eyes is less painful than banging my head against the wall. And now I’m learning that banging my head against the wall would be a much easier habit to break than eye rolling. Yet, I still keep on trying.
Breaking Up With Facebook
I know that initially it is very difficult to get away from our desire to be constantly bombarded with information and updates from our social media sources. It’s probably worse than not drinking for some people. But I can assure you, breaking up (for the most part) with Facebook has made it sooooo much easier to work on this project. It’s difficult to be judgmental when you don’t have anything to judge.
I’ve still had to keep reminding myself not to be judge-y. I have to remind myself that everyone is different and everyone is on a different journey and yada, yada, yada. I’ve been reminding myself that just because I don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. (This. Is. So. Hard.)
I’m just taking those deep cleansing breaths whenever I feel the urge to engage in a snarky little eye roll. The meditating has been a huge source of calm for me, believe it or not. It really helps focus me; I’d highly suggest it. I know you think it’s crazy, but…don’t roll your eyes at me.