It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Mother’s Day. In my eyes, it’s a Hallmark holiday with built up expectations that fail. Every. Single. Year. So I’m going to lower any expectations this year and say I don’t want anything at all. They can’t screw that up, can they?
Oh, but they will. Because when I say “all I want is nothing”, it’s not completely true. No, I don’t want anything materialistic like a spa day or a new Coach bag. Hell, I’ll buy that for myself. I don’t want a crappy homemade card that my kids whipped up the night before on the back of a grocery receipt. I don’t want droopy flowers or a plant to kill. What I do want, and what I am hoping one year I will finally get, is a little bit of appreciation. And quiet. I really want the quiet most of all.
I want to go an entire day without having to remind my daughter to bring her twenty seven million stuffed animals upstairs instead of scattering them all over the living room. I want to go an entire day without pulling my son’s dirty socks out of the couch cushions and finding his “cup” on the floor of my car. I want to go an entire day without the cat throwing up (or at least if she does, someone else cleans it up). I want to go an entire day without the dog waking me up to go out in the middle of the night. Let him wake someone else up for a change. I want to go an entire day without repeating myself fifty two THOUSAND times when I ask my son to empty the dishwasher. I want to go an entire day without cleaning up milk spills on the floor and juice dripped down the front of the refrigerator. I want to go an entire day without screaming at people to wipe the toilet seat and aim better. I want to go an entire day without screaming at people to dry the shower doors when they’re done showering so mold doesn’t grow in the cracks. I want to go an entire day without yelling at my daughter for drinking in the living room. I want to go an entire day without yelling at my son about eating in the living room. I want to go an entire day without reminding my daughter about her homework or ranting to my son about his missing Math assignments. I want to go an entire day without someone shoving a trip permission slip in my face at 8 am on a Monday morning saying, “here sign this…oh and I need money…cash only.” I want to go an entire day without my daughter having a meltdown because she’s hot, tired, hungry, achy, cold, doesn’t want to play softball, or is just plain bitchy. I want to go an entire day without telling my son that he needs to put his clean laundry away so that the cat doesn’t pee on it. I want to go an entire day without my kids kicking each other or making faces at each other or just fighting for No F’ING REASON AT ALL EXCEPT TO PISS ME OFF. I want to go an entire day without anyone arguing with me. I want to go an entire day when everyone just does what they’re supposed to without being asked.
So basically…I do need that spa day because the only way any of that will happen is if my children wake up with brain transplants on Mother’s Day or I’m not home. I’m thinking “not home” is my best bet for a great Mother’s Day. If anyone needs me…go find your father.
You think YOU’RE having a bad day? Check out my heroine, Amy Maxwell as she fights crime AND juggles four kids in “The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell” and “Amy Maxwell & the 7 Deadly Sins”.