I was at work today, contemplating making a new bulletin board for my nurse’s office. I was tired of the old one and wanted something informative for the MANY students that pass through my door on a daily basis. I considered a table outlining the differences between the flu and a cold. I thought about pictures of how to properly wash your hands. I wondered if a bulletin board that advised about the dangers of smoking would be good.

Then I realized, they’re not going to pay attention to that. I needed something to really help them make some good, healthy choices.

With the assistance from several colleagues, I compiled a list to help students decide whether or not they should interrupt their educational day to take the ten minute round trip to my office.

#1

DO come to the nurse if you are bleeding profusely. Profusely means…A LOT.

DON’T come to the nurse for a trickle of blood that can easily be wiped away with a tissue (nosebleeds included). If you must have a bandaid, ask your teacher. Yes, your teacher has bandaids. I know because I gave the bandaids to them.

#2

DO come to the nurse’s office if you fall in gym and a bone is sticking out, or a hand or foot is dangling.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you got a paper cut on your pinkie finger at home three weeks ago and now it “stings”.

#3

DO come to the nurse’s office if your hair is on fire. Actually, STOP, DROP and ROLL and THEN come to the nurse’s office.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office to check your hair or your shoes or your makeup in my full length mirror. Also, duck lips and selfies are not allowed in the nurse’s office. (Teachers are excluded from this rule.)

#4

DO come to the nurse’s office if your tooth fell out and is bleeding and you want a tooth box to take it home in.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if your tooth is loose and you want me to pull it. I am not a dentist. Teeth freak me out.

#5

DO come to the nurse’s office if you throw up Exorcist style in the hallway.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you’re nauseous because you just realized you forgot to do your math homework…I can’t help you there.

#6

DO come to the nurse’s office if you get stung by a bee.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you got a mosquito bite four days ago and it suddenly itches. Leave it alone. It’ll stop itching. I promise.

#7

DON’T come to the nurse because you broke a nail.

DO come to the nurse if you broke a nail because you slammed your hand in your locker.

#8

DO come to the nurse’s office if you have peed your pants.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you have spilled water on your pants. (Water dries.)

#9

DON’T come to the nurse’s office to use my bathroom because the line in the hall is long and you don’t want to have to wait like everyone else. Or because you have to poop and don’t want anyone in the hall bathroom to know you’re pooping and think my bathroom is private, but really we can hear you outside the bathroom flushing ten times and then the whole room smells and everyone who goes in afterwards knows EXACTLY what you were doing in there. At least in the hall bathroom you can blame it on someone else.

DO come to the nurse’s office to use the bathroom if you legit will poop your pants if you wait in line in the hallway.

#10

DON’T come to the nurse office if your jacket zipper is stuck.

DO come to the nurse’s office if your belly is stuck in your zipper.

#11

DO come to the nurse’s office if you bumped your head on the bus.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you put your hand in gum on the bus.

#12

DO come to the nurse’s office if you have a headache.

DON’T come to the nurse’s office if you need change for the vending machine.

#13

DO come to the nurse’s office if you got something in your eye outside at gym.

DON’T come to the nurse if you swallowed an gnat outside at gym.

#14

DO come to the nurse if you can’t BREATHE.

DON’T come to the nurse if your nose is stuffed up and can’t SMELL.

#15

DO come to the nurse if you have a fever and want to call your mom to take you home.

DON’T come to the nurse if you want to call your mom to ask what she’s making for dinner tonight. (Yes, I actually had a student have a TEN minute conversation with her mom because she didn’t like meatloaf and was trying to talk her out of making it for dinner.)

I sure do hope my tips help cut down on the traffic! 😁

*All kidding aside, I love my students. They make me laugh every day with their “emergencies”.

**Also, that is not me in the picture above. My hair would never be that shiny.